14. If my life had its own soundtrack...
I got inspired by a blog post, on how she lists her autumn mellow beats and I thought, maybe, if my life had its own, you know, an 'Autumn Mellow,' what would it be? To start off, I live by music. 99% of the time, I'm either on Spotify listening to songs or I'm on Apple Music downloading more songs as I listen to songs. And you can figure that 1% of the time: trying to catch up what my lecturers mentioned just a moment ago, since I was secretly listening to songs.
I have gone through some hard times in life, which means I have gone through a good amount of songs along those times. And whenever I feel like pressing shuffle through my songs list, I get quite nervous on what to come and which part of the timeline of my life, will I be transferred to? Will it be when I was stuck in the deepest hole I have ever been, when I was 13 turning to 14, where things were very, very, very, tough for me? Or will it be when I had the stressful period during my high school years? Or will it even be the song that will take me all the way back when I was still sitting in my room, falling for guys who never really liked me back? In which case, I don't really do the shuffling that often. Or, I just create playlist monthly or seasonally. So here we go, (I'll try to add some details to the songs as well)
I have gone through some hard times in life, which means I have gone through a good amount of songs along those times. And whenever I feel like pressing shuffle through my songs list, I get quite nervous on what to come and which part of the timeline of my life, will I be transferred to? Will it be when I was stuck in the deepest hole I have ever been, when I was 13 turning to 14, where things were very, very, very, tough for me? Or will it be when I had the stressful period during my high school years? Or will it even be the song that will take me all the way back when I was still sitting in my room, falling for guys who never really liked me back? In which case, I don't really do the shuffling that often. Or, I just create playlist monthly or seasonally. So here we go, (I'll try to add some details to the songs as well)
1. Somebody Else by The 1975
This song is pretty new, and is still fresh in me. It came to me around January 2016 and when The 1975 released their album, this song took me away. I can't really explain how this song screams my name so much, but it brings me back to this phase where I felt like nothing was really there for me and I felt like no one was holding me back up, even when there obviously were (a bunch of them). And this song is still in every playlist I create. There's so much in the lyrics, which is one of the reasons I hold on to it.
2. Safe Inside by James Arthur
Growing up, I've always been so close to my dad and still am. And this song, the lyrics, the music video reminds me so much of my dad in certain ways. {I, don't drink and do those things in the videos, it's just how my dad takes so much care of me :)}
First year high school, end of February to August. I had some friends, whom I still do call friends, but did some things teenagers would do, to me. I was left alone most of the times and at that point, it felt like it was the worst thing that could happen. I remember crying to my mom almost every day about how things were very tough for me. A vivid image would come to mind whenever I listen to this song: I walk home from school in my uniform, with my watery eyes and I try to wipe them away with my blazer.
Summer of 2011, when I kind of ruined myself and wasted so much of my time. Fullstop. No, really. I, wasted so much time and neglected so many important things.
Although I had a rough time in 2011, I slowly tried to get back up and start fresh in early 2012. While I was trying to rebuild myself again and trying to repaint my walls, white over blood, I had to move to Japan--from a familiar place to a place where I would know no one and having to build a new wall. Till this day, I still remember where, in my house, did I first listened to this song--it was in my empty old room, where all my stuffs were already being packed and sent to Japan. I still remember how it was
6. Last Hope by Paramore
Second year of high school. A vivid memory: 1) walking home from school, along this small river next to my apartment, 2) a bus ride home from the station in the evenings as I'm standing next to the door and the sun hits right on me. The lyrics get me on my tears most of the times; telling me that no matter what is it that I'm scared of or whatever is stopping me, I'll have to keep life going and there's always these small things in life that I could hold on to as I get through things.
