13. この瞬間の気持ち

I feel very, very, extremely empty. Just like this new room I'm in right now. Very empty. And I'm also very, very, extremely homesick. I wanna run home this immediate. I want the comfort through the heat, I want the smell of my room, I want to go home. I don't want to have to talk to my mum through the phone, I want it to be able to look at her in person when we talk. I don't want to live by myself, I want to be with my family. I don't want to have to act strong, I want to know that I'll always have mum and dad with me. And then it got me thinking, maybe this distance--how far apart I am from home--turned me into me. I remember being fourteen years old and wanting to live on my own just because my mum told me to help her with chores. At that age, I wanted to scream on how no one would understand me. I would keep everything to myself, I would be mad over small things, I would only think about me. But this distance--this over 5000 miles--has slowly made me realise that I really don't want to live by myself, that what I meant by me being independent is me being able to do things on my own not me having to do everything on my own. This distance has also made me realise that there has always been some people who has been listening and trying to understanding me the best they could, also the same people who would never turn me down no matter what--my parents. And right now, I need nothing but them. 

Till I write again. 

-A